Saturday, 2 February 2013

To be nice or not!

Do you ever feel like sometimes you've been pushed too far with people? Like, no matter how nice you are to people,no better what  you do for them, the first opportunity that comes along they just screw you over. I've had my far share of this over the past year now and am at breaking point with everyone. Im sick of getting walked over all the time. Im sick of getting blamed for everything because id rather keep the peace than cause trouble. I can't even probably write about what's wrong without implicating people and situations but 2 people, actually 3 cos 2 are in it together, have all fucked me over in a major way and im seriously pissed off.

The 2 that are involved are 2 people I did a pretty big favour for separately but one person who is a chronic whinger with really weird sexual preferences, like really weird shit lol (claws are out tonight ) and is quite happy for others to fuck him over cos he's a little bitch like that and the other is someone who hates women and has a tendency to mind fuck people and passively aggressively drag you into an argument , decided to spread a rumour about me that is wholly untrue and downright spiteful. I did absolutely NOTHING on these two people. Nothing. They are two little gossipy queens have nothing better to do than spread a nasty rumour about me. The circles we move in this naturally got back to me. At first I was fuming ,typically Aries head in me I was already tearing their heads off and swinging their lifeless corpses around Templebar...but then I calmed down.

The other person I did a favor for was just before xmas. It basically involved money and me ending up completely broke because I was promised the money would ve back to me 2 days after I lent such thing. I couldn't even buy gifts at xmas for my family...I was promised it back before the New Year...not a cent 2 months later im still waiting on it. I will get it back because I know the person really well etc but it ruined my entire xmas/new year. I got so stressed out by it all that I got ill and couldn't eat for nearly a month without puking. All this because I help people out. One of my friends told me I should stop been so nice all the time and im beginning to think she's right. Maybe I should just turn into bitch and be done with it. Cos been nice isn't getting me anywhere with anyone. Everyone fucks me over and im left, always getting hurt by it. If I just close myself off and turn up ice queen mode id get more respect from everyone and people would think twice about messing me about. It works for every other bitch out there doesn't it?? Thats what I see's always been like that. Noone likes 'nice'

I've grown very disillusioned with people lately. I can't even talk to anyone about it which is why im blogging noone will read it as such or take much notice but at least im getting it out of my system and talking to noone in particular cos you're a good listener and dont interupt me.

It's weird how sometimes you hear a song and it fits perfectly with how you feel right there and then and almost explains how you feel or how you are thinking at the time. Roysevens song 'The Big Blue' is that song for me.

Watch "The Big Blue - Royseven" on YouTube

Apologies for the poor audio but man it's a great song.  plus the lead singer Paul Walsh is hot ;)

I've been flaring up pretty bad the past few days too. Tremors, pain,headaches,thoughts.. My wrists,arms and shoulders have been so bad. I've got sharp stabbing pains in my elbows and hands. My left hand keeps cramping up and it's like my fingers are getting stabbed with hot needles. The pain is so intense right now I feel sick with it. It'll eventually pass I know but damn it's bad. Im going to sound so girly right now but I really need a cuddle :(

I also got turned down for disability which I have to appeal now im the next 10 days. Its extremely frustrating and it's hard to get it for Fibromyalgia. Its hard to get it for anything really. People with terminal cancer are told they are fit for work. It's ridiculous. So now I've to go get my doctor to write me a letter for them explaining my chronic pain and chronic exhaustion. My inability to do normal everyday stuff. It's not like it's what I want but right now I cant work and need to find something that will help me. It is depressing and isolating and definitely not what I had envisioned my life turning out like :( But it is what it is and I have to find solutions and ways to handle it.

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