Saturday, 9 February 2013


The following was told to me in a dark pub one winters night. I took shelter and wanted something hot to drink while i waited for my bus. The stranger paid for my drink but i never did see his face as he kept his hood up and out of the light. Now one particular part may offend some people but they arent my words, they are that of the strangers. so be warned before you read any futher


The Manchild awoke with a start.He rubbed his crusty eyes and as the eyecrust fell he wondered dimly what had awoke him. Then he remembered he had a dream. He roused himself from bed and took his thin,grey hideous body into the bathroom.He fumbled at the light and looked in the mirror. A bald and warted face looked back at him. He had the type of eyes that would make one think ' the lights are on but theres nobody home' As he stared back at the yellow liver diseased eyes that stared back, a sort of 'dull' light went of in his eyes. He remembered the dream. He had dreamt of a place, a land where he would be accepted and would have friends.He would be a king...A tear oozed from his eye and he ran to pack his bags, thinking it was real and he had had a vision.

Early the next morning, he boarded the Midget Shuffle bus and went to the west of the land. He was the only one at the back and he stared out the window with his big googly eyes and pressed his moley nose against the window (he would later ,leave a big green streak but that's another story) He finally arrived and didn't notice the driver trying and failing to swallow his sick as the mere sight of manchild. (The driver projectiled vomited over a man with Parkinsons and it kind of had a domino effect as everyone got covered)

Manchild ran as fast as his spindly little brittle boned legs could carry him.He ran though the town, bulgy eyes shining as he looked around for signs of his welcome, the roses that were to be thrown at him, the throne awaiting his hambone, spotty ass..he started to slow down he looked at all the horrified eyes staring back at him, fainting women, men sticking matches in their eyes trying to erase the sight of him. He halted to a stop and felt that familiar warm liquid run down his legs. It was a lie, his brain had lied to him he thought..'hahahaha' he heard his brain say back. 'you are in cousinfuck-upon-shire' 'NOOOOOOO' shrieked Manchild. 'Theres no Mantopia..theres..NO....mantopia, nothing, he realised but cousins fucking eachother ..He looked around at the 'freaks' as he thought of them..(bit rich coming from him but im just telling the story) 'theres no Mantopia' he thought despondent. He dejectedly walked back out of the town to the sounds of vomit and shrieks of 'WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT' tears in his eyes, he boarded the Midget Shuffle bus

Meanwhile, miles away, over a babbling brook, a tree was reaching into the night sky, all gnarled up like an arthritic hand clasping the full moon, stood the village of Mantopia, stood the Grand Manchild and a welcoming committee waiting for the arrival of the chosen one