Once again I am wide awake. But yet I am so, so tired. I've been pretty sick the past month. Ever since I got a stomach bug before xmas. I got sick tonight as I was starting to drift off to sleep.I've barely eaten much in about 2 weeks. I only have a dinner every second day but after a few mouthfuls I feel sick and 9 times out of 10 im puking up. I've read on a few forums that this seems to be a thing with fibromyalgia. Loss of appetite and feeling nauseous. Not terribly common but some people with the condition suffer from this. I call it a condition because for me to day it's an illness makes it seem worse for me. A condition, I feel I can have some control over it. An illness,not so much.
I've been in pain for days now. Right now ,to give you an example of the what im putting up with, I've pain in my ankles,my knees, my back, my neck,my wrists and my fingers all have shooting,pulsating pain. This will in a few hours turn into burning pain but im hoping to be asleep by then :) im so tired, I've been falling asleep durning the afternoon a lot lately too. Which is weird for me. Even as a kid I never slept in the afternoon. I used to find it weird that some of my friends took naps when I was younger. I've always had trouble sleeping though. Im very much a night owl. Id rather sleep when I wanted to, even if it's durning the day. It's weird how we have conditioned ourselves to sleep at night. I mean who's to say that, that's when we have to sleep. What if we are meant to sleep durning the day and be awake at night. People say oh we need the sun to get vitamins and such. But who's to say the moon couldn't give us necessary vitamins. I like been awake at night though. There's a certain stillness and peace at night. Everything is so quiet and mysterious. In the summer I love the time of around 5am. It smells so fresh, the birds twitter away, everyone still asleep. One of my favorite memorys is of a few years ago.I had an amazing mushroom trip and was very much ' at one' with the world. I had tripped hard all night and a little after 5 am it was so sunny out. A new day started and I wanted to go out. I opened the back door and went down the stairs to the garden. 2 little kittens came out of nowhere , the were feral but so friendly and I sat there fascinated by them. They chased eachother and seemed to be showing off. Completely fearless. Then one came over to me and I start stroking him. The other came over a while later. I was totally wrapped up in them it was just so peaceful and calm. Everything was alright in the world. Sometimes I wish I could travel back to then. I guess we all think that from time to time. But no point living in the past as the future brings us even better memories.
And of course February is on its way. I don't know why in particular but I hate February. It's such a depressing month. Just thought id throw that out there...
I apologize for lack of punctuation and any mistakes in this blog. It's on my phone and quite frankly, it's to much effort to go back and check lol
I really need to try and sleep so toodle pips for now and see you on the flip side, moonbeams :)