Friday, 1 June 2012

Just a Pure Mad Rant

So to be honest im completely unsure how this blog is going to turn out. Ive had the day from hell today and need to vent. I haven't been really feeling right the past few days, as Ive mentioned before i have fibromylgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.Doctors cant tell me which is worse as the fibro has a debilitating fatigue affect too so guess i got all the luck ;) so yeah, over the past few days Ive been desperately struggling with my fatigue and its been driving me mad. Its funny, cos when i was able to work before, id get into my job, as an assistant manager in an art shop, wearily get the cash ready, check the books, sigh loudly and open the doors, thinking to myself, 'id love 2 months paid off' LOL just 2 months to do what the fuck i wanted ...then go back to work. Now 4 years into that thought I'm thinking, as i wearily drag myself out of bed, after waking up 1 hour previously,haphazardly throwing some clothes on, sighing loudly and open my bedroom door knowing full well in less than an hour ill be lying on that bed again, thinking 'id love to be going to work now'.. LOL be careful what you wish for.

So today, when i woke up, i woke up knowing i wasn't feeling good.I knew i was tired beyond reason, i knew i was in a foul humour..i stupidity took a tiny thing and blew it out of all proportion with my Michael , had a fight with him (even though i said ,I'm not trying to start a fight, but it clearly was a fight and i was just been crazy PMSing Tracey) over something totally stupid , me been all emo and moody making him feel like the worst boyfriend in the world when hes really the sweetest, most kindest most loving boyfriend any girl could ever want and he chooses to be with me even through all the crazy...I'm so sorry baby i love you sooooo much :)

So then i went off all grumbling at Michael, to the post office and then into town with the intentions of buying the new Sigur Ros album and either Max Payne 3 or Unchartered3 for my PS3, as for the first time in months i had a bit of spare cash and thought id treat myself to some cds and a game.. But 'grumbly' day was about to become a total fucking nightmare as i had gone into a supermarket in Talbot St in Dublin to buy myself a drink. When i got outside i hunkered down to adjust my bag and take out my bus fare..its one of those mad neurotic things i do *see previous neurotic blog *  when i stood up and there was a guy looming over me. He was clearly a junkie and i went to sidestep him. But he sidestepped me and i went to do it again, thinking we were just having that merry dance that happens when you play chicken with someone and see who moves first but you both move in the same direction and suddenly you become a ninja ballerinas as you both twirl around each other and walk off... But unfortunately that was not the case as he pulled a syringe on me and told me to walk with him, he had his filthy hand on my arm and walked me off , holding the needle in the other hand , ready, as we walked he told me to give him all my money or my life would be over..meaning by what the needle could be contaminated with.. I opened my wallet and he ripped all my money out.Then ran off. I kept walking totally in shock , totally on auto pilot until i got to the top of Talbot street. then realised what happened and the fact i was walking with my now empty wallet, at the opposite side of where i was supposed to be going, no HMV trip, no money..I just realised id been mugged. I went to the police station around the corner and filed a report . But theres hundreds of junkies in Dublin like anywhere..Even if he is caught , my money is gone but that's the least of it. The experience has just left me shattered and so low.

And in a weird way i feel sorry for any human that has to resort to those measures. Crazy.

Ive just spent most of the evening crying to be honest, locked in my room..I just cant physically deal with anyone right now and to choked up to talk. I know ill be OK. I know ill get over it. Just right now i fucking hate humanity and as always Justin Bieber..

2 comments:

  1. Wow Sis....Im glad your not physically harmed tho <3 Happy you can share through writing about it, sending you my love and strength across the miles <3 xxxxxxxxxx

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