Tuesday, 24 April 2012

A bit of a rant

 So ive had the weekend from hell this week. I had 3 sets of people fighting among themselves but coming to me about it. Im not going to name names or what the indiviudual fights were about but i will make a few points and if you were one of those people , dont take offense its my opinion and its nothing i didnt say at the time.

First of all, when people fight, you are angry at that person. Not the rest of the world. If you come to me for advice realise I'm not fighting with either 6 of you. i am not going to take sides. That other person hasn't done anything on me in certain situations so I'm not going to bad mouth them alongside you. If you listen to gossip or just get half truths from people without asking the individual themselves whats going on? then you are a moron. You claim to be best friends with him/her yet listen to someone you barely talk to and believe them. You build a whole story in your head first then somehow believe yourself and have the mother of all rows with all of you missing the point. Something that can be sorted in a matter of minutes , gets dragged out over 4 days and i get dragged in.

Now, i dont mind listening  and helping out a wee bit but do NOT ask me to join in , in the slagging off and trying to get me to choose sides. Its your fight. Not mine. Does anyone actually stop to think ,how the person you are dragging into this might be feeling? Do you ever stop to think  'hang on they are good friends and I'm saying all this shit about them? See , the thing about all this is, when you finish badmouthing that person or persons, and everything is rosy in the garden and everyone is best friends again and going for drinks like its some celebration, i always remember the names you called that person how you 'really' think that person is and how 'you never really liked them anyway' What a 'cunt,crazy,slapper,mentalist' they are and how you've always thought this.


Because if they are that bad , why do you still hang around together? only cos you heard something or read something that may or may not have been true you deem them to be the worst in the world, feel hard done by and come to me expecting me to think the same as you.But yet this all affected me badly. Cos now I'm left thinking this is what you actually think of each other and I'm the only one who knows this. If the person you think is so bad, was told what id know and what you actually think i GUARANTEE you would not be friends now. But I'm not vindictive. I'm not like that. Even if i was to do it, i can see how vindictive and how you twist things so ill end up looking like a trouble maker and this has happened a few times in the past.I'm sick of it . I'm sick of been made out the bad guy when everything is rosy again.

How many chances do you give someone?  When somebody is just letting you down and knowingly letting you down its heart breaking. How much is a person supposed to take?  How easy it is when all the drama is around you but no one takes the time out to think,  shit this must be affecting you pretty bad I'm sorry?  When trust is broken its hard to get back and you don't get the right to be annoyed if it takes that person a while to learn to trust you again.  Your the one that messed up.  Never just assume that after a few days everything is fine and forgotten about.  Likewise distancing yourself from that person isn't going to help.  You should be constantly telling that person how much they mean to you.  Whether it's a friend,  boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband.. Whatever..  You should be bending over backwards to regain what's lost.  

I'm sorry if anyone takes this personally that's not my intention. Like i said I'm not naming anyone or situations but no one ever actually seems to take me into consideration with this so even if I'm just taking to myself here at least ill listen.

Sunday, 15 April 2012

Stoned In Wonderland and Midgets

Hey there I'm very high.

So very high.I just thought id rattle off the random things that are popping in my head like,i think my head is a cave .Cos the TV is on and my Ma is talking to me but its like, i don't know ...its in stereo..in a cave. Also i did some laundry and halfway through FOLDING the wet clothes before bringing them out to shake them open and hang up.. Read that again.. Yep i fold my wet clothes up neatly in a basket instead of just throwing them in to hang out. Like there going to get hung up but i fold them up. *facepalm*

Oh is it terrible of me that i was shocked to be watching , well i say watching.. a talent show in Ireland on the telly. Now what it is , is i came into the room and just sat down, my Ma was already watching it but one contestant was already singing some dreary country song. I was in a bit of a trance been whacked on the green and all when the singer finished and the host came on and the camera pulled away and there was a midget..is midget acceptable? dwarf? tiny person? vertically challenged? really small man ..He was the singer . It looked so odd and not in a bad way just like, a child's body and an old man face. That's all i see. Ive always been fascinated by them and not in a bad way. Just like , there so small how do they live, like in a normal house but everything at lower level. But what of shops with high shelves, what about 'you have to be THIS high to travel the ride' ...rides? Have they ever felt the thrill-near death experience of a rollercoaster ride?? I remember seeing a FAMILY of midgets..i feel weird saying midget it seems wrong but what do you call them,? But yeah a family, a Ma , a Da and a boy and a girl..Me and my friend Aisling, she can totally verify this story and that we saw them. I think we ditched college one day but not the day we ditched college to buy skateboards and went on a rampage through Dublin with them but another time we ditched college, we mostly went but we discovered weed too.. and we were walking up O'Connell St deciding what we would do when Aisling went very silent and seemed to be pushing me over the street when i stopped dead and looked behind me.I heard a low 'oh no' from Aisling  as i loudly exclaimed 'OH MY GOD WAS THAT A FAMILY OF MIDGETS' to a mortified Aisling..She muttered 'i was hoping you didn't see them' I jumped up and down once, wide eyed i  grabbed Ash and said 'oh my god lets follow them'  She said no.

I have a cup of tea in front of me and I'm thinking a crunchie would go well with it...

OK I'm back one cup of tea and 2 crunchies later.I thought they were bite sized for some reason. I don't know why .Crunchie doesn't even come in bite sized bars only the miniatures..I just put some rubbish and found it the most amusing thing Ive done because in the 80s growing up as a kid, we were told that by the year 2000 there would be robots in our homes doing our housework,taking out our rubbish..WHERES MY ROBOT damn it..

I feel like i should have a banjo right now. Like if you placed a banjo i could play it. I dont feel right without a banjo  :(

Nothing more gross than two old people kissing on Fair city.. Its an Irish TV Programme.A dreadful irish programme.That should have been taking of air a long time ago. a long long time ago.


Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Oh how i wish i was home in Amsterdam

Back in the day i frequented the Netherlands a lot. At least 3 times a year. Ill never forget the first time i was there. I was with my friend Brendan..who was my then boyfriend and we went for 2 and a half weeks taking in Belgium for a few days (never again) lol Brussels sucks.It just rains constantly and it burns you too..But I'm digressing..stupid Brussels *seethes at the memory* and of course we flew with Ryanair so we flew into Charleroi Airport. 3 HOURS away from Brussels.. and this man owns the company *facepalm*

But aaaaanyway.....

We were staying in the BOTEL for a few days in Amsterdam.Its basically a hotel but its a boat. Sounds great and exciting and is pretty much a rite of passage for most people when they go to Amsterdam first.But in reality its small and cramped and we were under the nightclub part of it. We got moved the next day to a better room though ;) But yeah, i only start smoking weed at 22. I say weed it was soapbar hash (oh the innocence of it all) but our first trip to Dam sorted us out. We got so high and laughed so much the whole time we were there.We decided that we would go back as much as we could. Which we did for the near 8 years we were together. But what i like mostly about Amsterdam was theres so many genuinely nice people there and in every Coffee shop, well the decent ones anyway, you never know who you end up talking too.

Listening to other backpackers, old stoners, coffeeshop workers, you are never alone. Theres always someone to pick you up and talk to . I love the architecture ,all the odd little museums, odd art galleries, Magic Mushroom stores, markets, its just such a neat place. I was there for Christmas 2 years back and my friend had to go do some business (hes a journalist) so rather than sitting in his apartment till he came back i took to the streets (not in a whore way lol ) and just wandered about, got high, ate food took some art shows in, talked for an hour to a rasta in a coffee shop, granted i could hardly understand him but i just smiled a lot and said oh jah man and he kept laughing.. Found some retro game stores, got talking for another hour to the 2 guys in there.Really i just talk to anyone .:D

For a long time too when i went there i would set aside a day to go get mushrooms and become like putty for a day. Laughing uncontrollably , crying uncontrollably and then laughing again. But every time i did a trip there i felt so relaxed and chilled for months. Then they went and banned them. Fucking right wing ,religious fanatical government. Now they want to ban tourists from buying weed and only if you live there you need a weit pass..a weed pass to buy..Yep, wait till the country goes to shit and all your transport and public facility's come crashing down around you, then that government will be out and peace will be restored once again. Let the morons have their day. But for now i like to keep my weed tinted glasses on and remember the fun i had been able to do something that is both perfectly natural and beneficial health wise to me in particular, and dream of the day i can go back, get stoned and hit the bakeries for the delicious strawberry shortcake tart, filled with cream and custard .

Man they were the best :)

Friday, 6 April 2012



Fraud"I was fucked by the McDonalds Drive Through."
Dismay"Oh, fuck it."
Trouble"Well, I guess I'm fucked again."
Aggression"Fuck you!!!"
Disgust"Fuck me!!!"
Confusion, Curiosity or Disbelief"What the fuck....?"
Difficulty"I don't understand this fucking thing."
Despair"Fucked again."
Good Job"Congratufuckinglations."
Incompetence"He fucks up everything."
Disappointment"This fucking fucker is fucked."
Intelligence"He's a fucking genius."
Dismissal"Why don't you go outside and play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself?"
Displeasure"What the fuck is going on?"
Lost"Where the fuck are we?"
Retaliation"Up your fucking ass!!!"
Laziness"He's just a fuck-off."
Pain"Fuck ! that hurt."
Pleasure"Oooooooh Fuuuuuuck"
Love"Do ya Fuck on first dates?"
Starting a relationship"Let's fuck now!"
Surprise"Fucking hell what was that?"
Admiration"Nice fucking tits!"
Stupid person"Dumbfuck!"
Hate"You Fuck!"
Condemnation"Fuck that shit!"
Disappointment"That's not fucking fair."
A poker hand"A Royal Fuck."
Ignorant person"Fuckstick."
Denial"I didn't fucking do it."
Perplexity"I know fuck all about it."
Apathy"Who gives a fuck" or "I don't give a fuck".
Confusion"What the fuck just happened?"
Resignation"Oh fuck it."
Suspicion"Who the fuck are you?"
Panic"Let's get the fuck out of here!"
Directions"Fuck off."
Sex"Let's fuck."
Ambiguity"I'm not so fucking sure."
Questioning Authority"Who the fuck do you think you are?"
Hypocrisy"Don't you dare fucking swear at me you fucking fucker."
Praising the Lord"Jesus Fucking Christ."
I have a headache"Go fuck yourself."
Refusal"Oh you can fuck right off."
Pissed off"Fuck the fucking fuckers!"
Be quiet"Shut the fuck up."
You're right"Fucking oath." (Australianism)
Ostentation"He's just bought a big, fuck-off Mercedes."
Sensuousness"She was wearing a pair of red leather, fuck-me boots."
Confidence"Fuckin' A."
Rage"Motherfucking fuckers!"
Impressed"That was fucking amazing."
Oral sex after 30 years of marriage"Fuck you!" (while passing each other in the hall)
Bewilderment or Ignorance"Fucked if I know."
Enraged"I'm gonna fuck you up!"
Annoyance"Fuck off, fucker."
Annoyance"For fuck's sake."
Pissed off"Fuck you, you fucking fuck."
Tardiness"It's ten-fucking-thirty already?"
Broken down motorcycle"Sir, the fucking fucker has fucked up on me.
Professional appraisal of mechanical failure"It's fucked."
Calling someone"Oy, fuck face!"
Completely nakedButthefucknaked
Low intelligenceFuckwit
A name for the penisFuckstick (as in "I'm going to jam my fuckstick right up you")
Very goodFan-fucking-tastic
Thanks"Fuck you very much."
ExhaustionI'm fucked!              

The Easter Bunny and other terrifing thoughts i had as a kid!

People say i tend to over think things and over analyse situations  a lot. I don't think i do, i just like to be prepared for any situation but even as i remember things i used to think as a kid, maybe i do..or did. Let me give you a couple of examples.


This mythical creature frighted the shit out of me as a kid. I mean, a giant rabbit..with a sack full of Easter eggs?? Bouncing around the world , breaking into houses and leaving chocolate eggs. Now let that sink in. A giant rabbit that was supposed to be extremely shy and didn't like people looking at him so did this at the dead of night. Once a year bounced around leaving eggs in peoples house? I often wondered how he didn't knock things over and how we didn't hear him bouncing in the house. Also why did does he wear a waistcoat but no trousers. He feels the need for a bow tie too. I just don't get it. i don't get why our parents tell us this. Can this bunny talk? is he mute? Why chocolate? Rabbits don't eat chocolate. Or like been indoors.


Now this is an odd one but i will share it. Back in the day my cousin Philip was serving in the Gulf War so i think it just crept into my consciousness. But i was terrified of Saddam Hussein and at the time they couldn't find him etc. I somehow convinced myself he lived in my attic only to crawl through the cavity's of my house at night to spy on me through air vents. I could swear he was there and made me Da eventually unscrew the vent to show me there was no way a man could stand there. I never questioned why my house? or why Ireland? lol This only stopped when Phil finished his service there.lol I was an odd child. I realise that i was just worried about Phil been in the Gulf and i was overthinking and worrying........at 10 years of age lol


I stopped believing in religion when i was 7. A priest used to come into our classroom and tell bible stories. I don't remember the exact story he told that i questioned but i do know he used to eye me warily after it. I was a very shy quiet child in school. (IE) a nerd... but i remember exclaiming loudly 'wait these stories are supposed to be real' and laughing. I was viewed as an anti-Christ after that in his eyes I'm sure. I did say 'GROOOOSS' When i discovered we had to 'eat the body of christ' That priest hated me but i figure now if you cant handle a 7 year old questioning your own faith you're in the wrong job lol. But his inability to answer my questions made me realise is all crap. I'm a spiritual person but i don't believe in any organised religion. I believe in science and always did. I was a geeky kid and always wanted to know more. I asked the priest why weren't dinosaurs on the arc and he said 'dont be so stupid' and this coming from a man who believes in talking snakes.. go figure.Ill stop about that now but ill do my view on religion soon ;)

I know i have more odd thoughts but I'm hungry now and I'm going to make my dinner. Hope you all enjoy you're reenactments of nailing a dude to a cross and eating your chocolate as a mark of respect to him lol..

*rides out on a T-Rex*

Questions that have been puzzling me

How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Does killing time damage Eternity?
Why is it call lipstick, when you can move your lips?
Why do people turn down the radio in a car when they are looking for an address or directions on a map?
Why is lemon juice made artificially but washing up liquid is made with real lemons?
Do pilots take crash courses?
Do roman paramedics call IV'S 4's?
Are stars washed with meteor showers?
Has anyone ever actually seen a toad sit on a toadstool?
If barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If blind people wear dark glasses why don't deaf people wear ear muffs?
If i was to jog backwards, would i gain weight?
If i got an oriental person and spun him around , would he get disoriented?
Why do all the signs say 'slow children' yet the child is clearly running in the sign?
If a mute swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
How does one get of a non stop flight?
Why is it called chili if its hot?
Why do doctors leave the room when they are going to see you naked anyway?
If your child refuses to take a nap are they resisting a rest?
How is the Lone ranger 'lone ranger' when Tonto is always with him?
If a ghost can go through walls, glide through objects etc, why don't they fall through the floor?
Do Siamese twins have to buy 2 tickets to shows or just 1?
Can a black cat join the KKK?
If you're a cannibal and you eat a drunk person and drive off, can you be done for drink driving?
If MARS had earthquakes would they be called Marsquakes?
If the Arc and Noah existed..where did he keep the woodpeckers?
How deep would the sea be if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why is vanilla ice cream white? when the extract is brown.
Why does round pizza come in a square box?
No matter what colour the bubble bath is , the bubbles are always white.
If you have a stutter, do you stutter when you think to yourself?
Why does Pluto , a dog, live outside, eat dog food etc while Goofy, also a dog, live indoors and has a car?
In China, what do they call their good plates?
If a Queen gave birth to Siamese twins, who would be King?
Can you stare into space if your actually in space?
Why are so many people terrified of tiny mice but not Mickey Mouse?
Is it appropriate to say Good mourning at a funeral?
If your in Hell, where do you tell people to go if you're annoyed at them?