Sunday, 8 January 2017

My last blog?

I It has been over a year since I last wrote here. Wow. I didn't think it was that long. There has been big changes in the last year. We had my gorgeous baby boy Dec 2015. It wasn't the easiest pregnancy nor the  easiest birth. But he's here, happy and healthy. He's a big personality with a big voice. A voice he's recently discovered and now shrieks a lot because he finds it hilarious. We do too, but not at 6am! We called him Daniel. He is my world and I could not imagine life without him. His cheeky smile, the precious little hugs that he's recently started to give and his huge eyes. He started walking a week before Christmas using his push along walker and is standing unaided a lot now and getting more confident. Unfortunately he's getting teeth. I say unfortunately because he's having a rough time of it with them. The last tooth to come up has taking a couple of weeks to push through. He's normally so happy and smiley so it's horrible seeing him in so much pain. We are just in love with him. Our perfect little boy. He has a couple of Buddies too from his baby group and its too cute seeing them play and grow together. He turned 1 just after Christmas and its still hard to believe how quickly the year has gone.

Unfortunately as happy and completely in love with him, I've been suffering really badly with post natal depression. Some days are OK and others are terrible. I was always going to be prone to it but I wasn't prepared for how bad it is. I've been having a pretty bad time with it lately and I'm just not myself. I am getting counselling and help but right now it's just bad. A few friends suggested I write about it in a blog or a few blogs but I'm not ready to open myself up that way at all right now. I'm so sick and tired of feeling angry and sad and completely losing my shit over stupid things. I'm going to start taking a bit of time for myself, read more and play more playstation. It helps with the anxiety.

Michael got a new job too. He's a security guard now and apart from the sore feet, he really likes it. I do miss him when he's at work even if I don't show it as much as I could.

I don't know if I'll be writing anymore but I know I have a huge audience reading my blog so I'm going to take time to think about it and decide what to do :)

On the gaming side I now have 16 platinums. I plan to double that this year or try hit 50.which is doable. As we now have a ps4 and I have a playstation vita. Michaels obsessed with his 3DS and pokemon 😂

Friday, 23 October 2015

Playstation Trophy Destroyers and PS4 Forum pages.....

On facebook i help admin a few pages. So i thought i would shamelessly advertise them here to get more members :) Each one will be hyper linked so you can just click and go straight to the page and join. I would like to point out that if you have me or any other admins blocked , you wont be added. We don't tolerate any racism, sexism or attacking other members over opinions. No spamming or its an immediate ban too. Nobody wants bloody RayBan's or to enter fake PlayStation competitions ;)

First up is PlayStation Trophy Destroyers:

This page is one of the most active pages. The basic idea behind this page is a bit of friendly competition between members. Everyone on the page has ps3, ps4 and PS vita or any combination of these consoles. We play games to 100% complete them and earn platinum's. (ie) every trophy that is obtainable in a single game. Plenty of people help each other out and help boost the online trophies. We are a pretty decent bunch. Most add each other on PSN too. Some people prefer particular genres of games, so there is something to suit everyone. You can post your bragging pics too ;) There are 5 admins to this page and one of us is always about should there be any grievances or bullying going on. We do ask you don't air any personal grievances about members. just contact an admin and we will sort things out. Theres myself, Weave 'LUFC' Whitehead, Harrison Richardson, Luc Orval and Michael Filippi

There is 4 different categories of platinum's in this group. The more platinum's you earn the higher up you go. Theres a bronze, silver, gold and platinum group. Luc updates these leader boards every week so as you earn a platinum you post it up and he will adjust the boards accordingly :) the groups are set as like this

*Platinum League* = Players with 150 or more Platinum trophies
*Gold League* = Players with 100 - 149 Platinum trophies
*Silver League* = Players with 50 - 99 Platinum trophies
*Bronze League* = Players with 1 - 49 Platinum trophies

Next up is PS4 FORUM: 

This page is just for all things PlayStation. Links, posts, discussions etc. All the latest PlayStation Plus news. The admins for this pages are Myself, Weave 'LUFC' Whitehead, David 'DRFC' Shanks and Samuel McPhail. The rules are pretty much the same as PlayStation trophy destroyers. Anybody breaking these rules will be kicked ;)

So if either of these groups interests you, please feel free to join and add your PSN ID and start racking up those trophies :D

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Physio and Pain

I had to attend physio in the maternity hospital a few days ago as it turns out I have pelvic girdle pain.  Its been very frustrating.  All throughout my pregnancy, because my fibromyalgia went into remission I've been so active and doing my exercises pretty much from the time I found out I was expecting.  There was about 6 of us there and I wasn't really told anything I I didn't already know.  But i did find out i have compressed nerves and thats what's making my back and leg so painful.  I have been given exercises to do to help relieve the pain.  I don't think there's an awful lot i can do until I actually have the baby.  Then I'll go see my own physio rather than go to a hospital physio.  I've had physio in hospitals before and it's just been a disaster.  So I'd rather stick to someone I trust and i know is good.

Im just about 32 weeks now and if someone hasn't seen me they just stare at my stomach and remark about how big my belly is lol My sister came up to the house yesterday and said in the few days since she's seen me,  I've gotten even bigger.  To be honest I didn't really see it myself as such but after I had a shower and caught myself in the mirror,  i can now see it 😁 it's all belly though.  People are saying it's most likely going to be a long baby lol I was quite long when I was born.  Apparently the nurse said I'd be very tall. She wasn't wrong 😁

I had entered a competition a couple of months back and then forgot about it  last week I got an email telling me I had won a buggy.  I received it a few days ago and love it.  I only need to buy a pram and the cot mattress and we'll be done. A few bits for the hospital and then just the wait until the envitable happens.

At night time when I have to get up for whatever reason, my cat Spock will not leave me alone.  Until I actually go back to my room he follows me about. Like a chaperone lol he'll go into the bathroom with me,  goes downstairs and sits by the sink if I get a drink of water.  He keeps pawing me gently as if to say 'come on, back to bed with you' and walks me right back.  Then gets into his own bed,  satisfied im back in bed.  He is going to be fine with the baby as he seems to love kids.  He always rubs himself against my nephews or cousins and purrs like mad.  The other fella Sulu is very much the baby of the family  so I'll have to introduce him slowly.  He doesn't mind kids as such but he doesn't like getting ruffled by them.  Hes very playful on the otherhand  but hes used to getting all the attention.  So I'm not sure how it's going to go in that regard.  He will get used to the new hairless kitten eventually.  He'll have too lol 😁

Monday, 21 September 2015

27 weeks and counting

As of now i am 27 weeks pregnant. To say its been easy would be a lie :D I spent the first 3 months rushing to the toilet/sink/bin to throw up and wonder when the cascade was ever going to stop. Every smell was getting to me and setting me off. I couldn't eat until 2 pm and i slept for so much of that time. But when we got our first scan, it was all forgotten about. To see our little monkey was amazing. It made it so real and exciting.

The second trimester started and everything started to ease up. But the back pain was starting to get worse. Then the sciatica started. My leg is numb most days and i have painful pins and needles in it too. At 5 months we had our second scan. I was quite anxious with this one because this was the scan that would tell us if anything was wrong. But the nurse put us at ease straight away and said the spine and head were perfect and she start laughing saying that the baby was lying in the same position as me, with the hands behind the head and little feet crossed over. It was amazing to see the chambers of the heart, the little fingers etc and when the baby started to open and close the mouth, i just melted. She did one final check on the liver and pancreas and the baby had had enough and flipped over to moon us. She had to shake my stomach so the baby would flip back :D 

Now as I'm in my third trimester the baby is kicking like crazy mostly in the mornings and evenings. Ive had no major cravings except for salad and cheese. Oh and the occasional ice pop at 3am weirdly enough. We do know the sex of the baby but some family want to be surprised so cant say anything :) Michael's had a few job interviews so hopefully something will happen soon. I had to go in today for a glucose tolerance test which was a bit of a pain. My BMI was very slightly over but i haven't heard anything from the hospital so all is well is that regard :) Next week i have a check up and i need to get an injection because i have a rare blood type. I should have started antenatal classes last week but the nurse was sick so they will probably start this week. My fibromyalgia is still in remission and apart from my back i feel great.

There are certain things i miss:

Sleeping on my stomach mostly. I can only sleep on my stomach, sort of contorted but its comfy damn it and i cant do it right now.Plus i wake up needing the toilet, I'm so sick of the bathroom right now. I don't think Ive ever gone to the loo as much in my life.. Cuddling into Michael at night because (A) It gets too hot and (B) theres a big bump lol He also cant keep his hands off me for some reason lol

I'm a cheese fiend and i have to stay away from particular cheeses i love. Fried, runny eggs on toast too

Peanut m&ms.. dear god i miss my m&ms. Then i found out even after the baby i still cant eat them because ill be breast feeding. I find myself looking longingly at them, whispering 'one day ill have you back in my life'

Coffee..I'm not a massive coffee drinker but most mornings id have a cup. But if i have one cup, that is my caffeine intake for the day. So mostly i opt for tea.

Having control of my emotions... I either get too impatient with things or i get overly emotional and cry or get so happy and cry or tell Michael hes going to leave me and cry lol that's on my 'im such a whale' days (which i don't understand, i actually haven't put on much weight, its all belly)

I cant wait until i can get out of bed normally without having to roll.

I find it hard to sit and play my beloved PlayStation because my back gets so sore and i get too tired to concentrate

I cant wait until pregnancy brain goes away. I thought my glucose test was last Tuesday when it was on Monday...putting the milk into the washing machine, calling my cats, whose names are Spock and Sulu..splock and spulu or 'whatever the fuck your name is, come here and love me' Generally getting everything mixed up. I called Michael for his dinner the other day like a cat. I often call him Megan (my niece is called Megan, she stays with us a lot but i cant fathom why i call him Megan)

Putting socks and shoes on. A few weeks ago i was standing up putting socks on and i completely put my back out. At the time i got an awful fright because i thought it was the baby but quickly realised the pain was in my upper back. 2 freaking days i was in bed. It took hours for the pain to go away and 3 days before i could walk straight. So now i sit firmly on the bed and do it.

But i wouldn't change a thing. Not even the morning sickness :) Three long years we were trying to have a baby. Some heartache along the way and some trepidation when we found out but in 13 weeks we will have our baby in our arms and i already know I'm in love. I love the little kicks, bumps and punches and i just cant wait until we meet our little monkey.

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Good News

In my last post i was saying i had given up cannabis and for a good reason. Well that reason was i had found out i was pregnant :) At the moment i am 17, nearly 18 weeks gone. We had our first scan a few weeks back but for the first few months of this pregnancy i had been quite sick and tired. The sickness has passed thankfully but the tiredness remains as does the back ache but we are over the moon about it. I have my next scan in a few weeks again and hopefully we will find out then what sex it is.

We are on Grandmother warnings not to reveal it :D They want it to be a surprise. As does some family members and friends. We just want to know ourselves for practicality. I don't want to end up having a boy with a pink pram or vice versa.

I'm due in December and most likely wont be doing this blog anymore. I wont have the time. (Even now i don't bother much anymore so i may just stop altogether) So i could end up having a Christmas baby or most likely it'll be just before New Years Eve.

My fibromyalgia has gone into remission too which is wonderful. The only pain i have is back ache and what seems to be sciatica but ill find that out early next week. It feels great not to be in so much pain though. I also have to get a few injections as i have a rare blood type but its nothing to be too concerned about.

I think its finally sinking in that its finally happened for us. After 3 years and a bit of heart break to have everything go well so far is a huge thing right now and we can finally believe its going to happen for us :)

Sunday, 17 May 2015

No More Green

I have decided to knock smoking weed on the head for a while. Its good to take a break from time to time. Most peoples reaction was typically irish. 'ye what? 'you feeling ok' 'you! giving up weed.. YOU' Its like when you go out for the night and say you arent drinking and everyones reaction is 'are you on antibotics' I smoke weed for the pain. Before i developed CFS and Fibromyalgia, i smoked weed because i just liked it :D I dont drink or have ever done drugs such as coke or ecstasy  etc and i didnt start smoking until i was 22. Its a long time to be smoking and i dont regret any of it. I had some of the best times with weed. I can smoke the best of them under the table and still walk out straight. I talk utter nonsense but im always the last one smoking ;) I am struggling with the pain a bit but i have given up for a really great reason.  I cant say why yet but i will soon. Something really wonderful has happened in my life and ive had to stop for a few months. Its with great sadness that i wrap my babies up in newspaper and put them away for the time being. My bongs, BillyBong Thornton, Tommy ChongBong, Bong Zeppelin and the unnamed Bong will be wrapped up in bubblewrap and placed lovingly in a box,along with my various pipes.  My faithful rolly box, though held together with sellotape, will be also put up. I really should just throw it out but ive had it for years and cant bring myself to get a new one. I smell weed everywhere lately too. People are just more brazen about it and smoke out on the streets. The police dont really care anymore either. I remember going to pick some up one day from my friend, i had a joint in his place and walked home on a cloud,lost in my own thoughts. I saw two guards walking towards me and suddenly became aware of the pungent odour of Lemon Haze coming from me. There was no where else to turn either because they would have known something was up. There was nothing else to do but walk past them. My heart was pounding and the paranoia was i walked past one of the guards turned to me and said ' someones going to have a good night' and winked at me.. I sort of smiled and stuttered something and when i got around the corner i realised i had been holding my breath the whole time lol.

Weirdly i dont really get the munchies with weed. I do with certain types but with most i just fall into a nice bubble of cotton wool and usually end up talking nonsense to my cats and Michael. Then there are the moments where the munchies do hit and its like i need to get a particular thing. Its like in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. You see an ad on the TV and nothing will satisify the craving until you get that particular thing. For me its mostly the hot apple pie from McDonalds. I have a Mcdonalds 5 minutes away from me, a Burger King 10 minutes away and a KFC across from me too. Not to mention my local chipper does the best pizza and the cinema down the road wraps up cinema food for you to take away...mmm nachos. I live in munchie heaven but i dont eat in McDonalds, very rarely in Burger King and only sometimes in KFC. Im not really a big fast food eater personally but i could inhale 5 apple pies when the mood hits me. Bizarely when i get the munchies its always something healthy, like a huge salad sandwich or a BLT on toast. So unlike a lot of people i know, i cant blame the weed for making me put on weight lol I have been known to just sit there eating a salad bowl while my friend are shoving pringles and chocolate into their mouths :D

I do enjoy the first smoke after a break though so i am looking forward to that when i start again. Its like starting all over again and the buzz is unreal. I just sit there laughing and calling the cats my hairy babies and shoving my face into Spocks extremely furry belly. He just purrs and nudges me to rub him so its all good ;) There have been the few moments ive really wanted a joint but i just cant for a while. Its not a craving or anything, its just been part of my life for so long. Its weird not to be smoking. Its is funny at the moment to see peoples reactions when i pass on a spliff. The look of confusion and then they say but theres no tobacco in it (i smoke pure, i dont mix with tobacco) and i still refuse it. its like...

I will be able to say why i have given up in a couple of weeks when i hear back from the thing thats going on but for now this girl is going dry.

Saturday, 14 February 2015

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

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That ^^ is my cats contribution to this blog! The little shit deleted a different blog a few weeks ago too by walking all over the keyboard. He got promptly shooed away but the other fella is sneaking up on me now....

I had an entire blog written out about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and i just deleted it by accident. I even sent it to myself in gmail and deleted that too and because I'm so ocd about deleting my trash its completely gone so here it goes. again....

A few days ago it was announced that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was getting a 'rebranding' It is now going to be called "Systemic Exertion Intolerance Disease"
At first when i saw the headline and read the first part i was rolling my eyes and thinking 'instead of re branding existing illnesses why not work on a cure? But the more i read it the more it made sense. It isn't just a simple re branding,its more to do with making it better known and easier to diagnose. Its crazy but put 'disease' at the end of any condition and doctors take it more seriously.  I have both chronic fatigue and Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed with fibro first then a few months later with CFS. My doctor at the time wasn't very helpful. In fact when i questioned her about having CFS too , seeing that both are very similar, she asked me coldly 'and where did you get your medical degree from'  I wasn't questioning her personally but i didn't want to start taken more medication if i didn't need it. It is what i was up against at the very beginning.

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is extremely difficult to diagnose. There are no tests for it, and other illnesses can cause similar symptoms. Often your GP has to run through other illnesses which means you have to go for a multitude of blood tests, xrays, scans etc. This can take years. As it was in my case. I start having problems with energy from around the age of 24/25. I had just moved out of Dublin to Drogheda and has a daily commute Mon to Fri which i had to be up at 5am and didn't get home until 5.30/6pm. At the time i was putting it down to that and i was going to have to get used to it. But after 9 months i just couldn't hack it anymore and ended up quitting my job. I have never quit a job without having another to go to so it made me go to the doctor to see what was wrong with me. Blood tests would always come back fine so it was frustrating. My then doctor was trying to say it was because i wasn't working and even when i explained i was like that while i worked she just passed it off. I got a new job soon after and while i was happy to be back working i was dreading it. I was in that job for nearly 5 years and each day was a struggle. Id come home shattered every day. I had no energy on my days off and often just tried to recover. In the meantime doctors kept telling me to take a tonic and get more exercise. I was quite fit and healthy and often felt like a hypochondriac going to to doctor.

A few years back i dislocated my knee. It was just a freak accident while doing housework. (a good excuse not to do it haha) Ive never really had a serious injury such a a break or anything so it sort of freaked me out a bit. In the couple of years leading up to that the fatigue was overwhelming. I had moved to a new place in Drogheda  so we were still unpacking as we both worked full time. Id get up in the mornings and get ready, then i would sit for about 20 minutes most mornings in tears at the thoughts of working until 6 or 7pm. I was just beyond tired and my concentration was shot. This wasn't a tiredness like when you feel sleepy. This was pure body tiredness. It was a struggle putting one foot in front of the other. A quick run up the stairs would leave me wrecked.  Id go to bed at night and just couldn't sleep, managing only about 3 hours. I took weeks off as holidays just to rest. only to go back just as bad. Then my knee went. I started physio in the hospital about 4 weeks later and it was a nightmare. I had physio before in a different hospital in Dublin and had a pretty bad time of it. I had badly hurt my back in work one day and was off work for 3 months. The physio in the hospital was horrible. A real bitch. I was aware physio could hurt to a degree especially at the start but this was awful. I would come out in agony rather than feeling a small bit of relief and one day as i got outside my back just went. i had to sit down outside in the rain until my back sort of just popped back.. I just stopped going as that had been the 8th week and nothing was improving. With my knee, it was even worse. I was told by the doctor that i had to stay in bed for 4 weeks and keep my leg straight. Because of this my leg wouldn't bend after the brace came off. The physio was in a bad mood that day. She kept snapping at me and told me in a mocking tone that she dislocated her knee before and was up walking the next day. She then tried to put me on an exercise bike and tried to get my leg to bend . She kept shouting at me for not doing it and it was only when i actually screamed in pain as she tried to force my leg back that she stopped. Over about 4 weeks she just got worse. I was physically throwing up before every session and shaking like a leaf going in. The fatigue was quite bad too but again i put it down to the injury. Shortly after i just stopped going. The fear was unreal. I decided to go private after that. It was a few weeks before i had the courage to do so however. But i just decided if the physio was no good , id just move onto a different one.

I found a brilliant physio first time round and the difference was unreal. I remember i was so scared going back into it but the way i was treated was so different and much kinder.  Quite literally, after the first session my fears had gone. The clinic was called and John Maguire was my physio. I'm sure he was sick of the sight of me as i was going for nearly 2 years to get my knee sorted but it wouldn't have taken so long if i had known what was actually wrong with my re: CFS and Fibro. It was inadvertly through John that i got diagnosed finally. After he sorted my knee i thought id get my back sorted once and for all. He assured me it would take about 6 weeks and i was happy enough. Unfortunately after about 4 the inflammation was still bad so he suggested i get tested for arthritis so he wasnt treating me for the wrong thing. So i got tested for R.A among other things. While i was waiting the results i had come across Fibromyaglia and could identify with that so much more than anything else i was getting tested for. I think out of the main 15 symptoms i ticked 14 , with a further 10 more rare symptoms i ticked 8. So when my results came back fine, i asked my doctor about fibro and she agreed to send me to a rhuematologist for tests. This again took 6 months but finally i had a diagnosis. She told me i had textbook fibro even before she did the various stress tests on my body. She then said she wanted to see me again in a few weeks to test for CFS also.

There is no real way of determining CFS, no blood tests or scans will show it so it is so hard to get a diagnosis. But under this new Rebranding they have set guidelines for GPs and Rhuematogists to determine whether a person is likely to be suffering with CFS They are

(1) Impaired ability to engage in pre-illness levels of activities that persists for more than six months and is accompanied by often-profound fatigue. 

(2) A worsening of these symptoms after any type of exertion, including physical or mental exercises or emotional stress.

(3) Sleep that does not alleviate fatigue.

To diagnose someone with chronic fatigue syndrome, a physician also must find the person is suffering from one of two additional problems:

(1) Impaired ability to think.

(2) The inability to remain upright, with symptoms that improve when lying down.

A diagnosis also depends on these symptoms persisting for at least six months, and they must present at least half the time with moderate to severe intensity. In 2014, doctors linked chronic fatigue syndrome to inflammation of the nerve cells of the brain, and some now believe people with the syndrome are fatigued because something has gone wrong with their immune response. I was put on various medications and i cant take anti inflammatory meds at all as they make me violently ill. I tried quite a few and they either left me like a zombie or just did nothing at all. The one I'm taking now, Ixperim is the only one that's helped in any way. I do use cannabis to treat it too but i only use it when the flare ups are really bad. I tend to get electric shocks, excruciating headaches, pains in my upper body mostly but all over generally,  i cant walk properly or bend my limbs, i can barely talk or keep my eyes open, though i don't sleep. I just find it tiring to keep my eyes open. Bright lights, smells send my sensory system into overdrive and i often feel nauseous. I cant eat during these times and cant get out of bed. Thankfully it lasts only a day or 2 but this can happen every 10 days. The longest it went on for was 6 weeks. Its hard for me because i am a naturally active person. I always kept fit and was always cycling, skating, climbing etc. The lack of energy and pure exhaustion took its toll on me and i have only recently come out of a deep depression. It lasted nearly 2 years and i still don't know how i came out of it to this day. I've had relapses with it but for the last 3 months i feel more like myself. These 2 conditions are so hard to deal with and its natural to get down. Ive always set high standards for myself, in school, college or work so to develop something like this was heartbreaking. But i like to think I'm getting on top of it now. I have a renewed interest in my hobbies again and i got 2 kittens 7 months ago so at least now i can take my mind of the flares again.  In fact I'm hoping to see my physio soon to maybe set myself an exercise programme to get fit again . I was supposed to do that last year but the depression was so bad i just couldn't do it.

Awareness of this condition is still lacking however but hopefully in time it wont be the case. Its as much about getting quality information and help as the actual diagnosis. I was pretty much told 'this is what you have, have a leaflet and take these meds' and that was it.  I suffered for nearly 10 years before getting an answer to what was wrong with me. Its been a frustrating, painful and often lonely path and  I hope in the future others don't have to go that long and suffer in the way i did.